Without You
by lucyinthesky95
Summary: This is a darker story based around the pairing of AmazingPhil/Danisnotonfire aka Phan. Dan finds himself in hospital after tragedy rocks his life. So far it's just a bit of a teaser/introduction for what is to come. If you enjoy this, please R&R, so I know to post more. Rated M for what's to come. Mild self harm, may be triggering to some people.
1. Introduction

Hey guys, I wanted to try another Phan story, went with something a bit darker this time. This is kind of just the teaser/introduction to the story. Please let me know if you like it, and I'll post more! Enjoy! xx

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I woke up today groggy from a mixture of sleeping pills and restless, interrupted sleep. Last night was horrific, my vision blurred and shiny as though I was looking up from deep in the water. An incredible weight pressed on my chest and lungs, making it hard to breathe, and my mouth filled with the taste of blood. The voices were angry and intense, everybody I've ever met seemed to be screaming at me, their voices overlapping in a deafening roar. I knew they wanted something from me, but I have no idea what it was. I caved to the pain, sobbing and stumbling around uselessly until a nurse guided me to bed and coaxed Valium into me.

The voices wouldn't let up, though, and the sheets felt like they were strangling me, and I was feverishly hot. The first time I ripped the sheets away and started sobbing in earnest, nurses came and quietened me. In desperation I turned to real pain to drive the hallucinations away, scratching at my upper right forearm until I had created a painful but harmless rash. Eventually I fell into a restless, feverish sleep, waking again and again from the nightmares that had followed me into unconsciousness to scream and sob into a pillow. I had learnt better than to make noise, as it would bring only scolding and not comfort.

Even today, the nightmare has not stopped, only lessened slightly, and the migraine that has been brought on by the stress of last night serves to be almost as painful. Apart from this, I feel sick to my stomach and fluey. My throat is incredibly painful and produces only a croaky shadow of my voice and a regular round of dry coughs.

I am picking through a pile of greyish mush that has been described to me as porridge, but looks more like regurgitated kitty litter, when he arrives.

"Dan, can you tell me where you are?"

I sigh and begin to recite. "My name in Daniel James Howard, I am a patient in Bethlem Royal Hospital in London, I've been here for 4 months and 8 days.

"Good. And why are you here?"

"Because he's not." I gasp as my eyes fill with tears "Because Phil is dead, and it's all my fault."


	2. A Train Ride

I am so, so sorry it's taken me so long to update, there's been all this personal drama I won't get into. Thank you so much if you're still sticking with me, I love you guys and promise to update more regularly in future!

Disclaimer: Dan and Phil are not mine, sadly, though they will be...

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It's a strange thing falling in love with someone. They seem to grow slowly closer to your heart, and you can't quite figure out why until one day it hits you all at once, and your mind fills with his smile, and his slight caramel scent, and the way he says your name.

I was on a train, watching Phil sip his bubble tea and grimace at the texture of the jelly globs. A tiny sliver of pink poked through his teeth, and I had the sudden thought that I'd love to taste that caramel tea on his tongue.

At once it hit me, slamming the breath from my lungs. Phil; my best friend, my partner had taken new form as something... more...

My hand moved without thought to trace the faint scar on his thumb. His fingers responded in similar fashion, curling themselves around mine, and he flashed me with the purest, sweetest smile I had ever seen. My head found the hollow of his shoulder and we sat in blissful silence, his warm breath ruffling my hair.

As the train pulled in at our stop we made to move as one, hands still interlocked. Our tea lay forgotten on our seats.

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I know, it's really short, but I figured it was better to put up something short than nothing at all. Remember to leave a review, and any suggestions. Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! xx


	3. Passion

Sorry again for taking so long to update, there's been lots of personal drama. To make it up to you, I've uploaded a second chapter all in one go. Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I am nowhere near awesome enough to own the epicness of Danisnotonfire and/or AmazingPhil. A girl can only dream...

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Neither of us knew who had started the kiss, only that we never wanted it to stop. I found myself slammed against the front door, his hands clutching at the front of my kitten covered t-shirt, his teeth nipping playfully at my lips.

My own hands leapt to unbutton his plaid shirt, tingling with excitement as they brushed against smooth skin, and then it lay crumpled on the floor. My kittens joined it quickly, and I snaked my arms around his naked waist, pulling him closer, revelling in the feeling of skin against skin.

We bumped our way towards my bedroom, sending loose items scattering, overturning a small table in our graceless passion. Trembling fingers fumbled with zippers and buttons until our pants pooled around our ankles.

At last we collapsed onto the bed, stripped to our underwear. I broke the kiss to whisper those three glorious words of truth, which he returned without hesitation.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

And after that, there was no speaking for a while, just hands and lips and skin and the sinful groans of unbridled pleasure.

Afterwards, we lay curled together under the striped duvet, sticky with sweat, my eyes straining to stay open just a moment more, to catch one last glimpse of the man I loved before sleep could take me.

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Hope you enjoyed it, I promise the next chapter will be up much sooner than the last! Please R&R, help me make the story better for you to read! xx


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